no one who has ever seen a flamingo will be surprised

The Dallas Morning News really stepped in guano this morning. I'm not normally a big fan of the paper - they're really provincial and don't even pretend to be a national newspaper anymore - but this story is guaranteed to ruffle some feathers (har):

Flamingo research under way at the Dallas Zoo is uncovering things you might not know – or might not want to know – about this long-legged pink beauty. Although captive flamingos tend to mate for life, the birds flock together in ways you might not expect.

Sometimes two male flamingos pair up, and sometimes two females do. They even have threesomes and – when the mood is right – foursomes.

"The male-male pairs tend to be good fathers," said zoologist Jeanette Boylan. "They are very attentive."

You know what this means, don't you? This means an avalanche of angry letters to the editor complaining that:

1. The Dallas Morning News and the Dallas Zoo are hellbound puppets of the gay rights lobby, and,
2. Homosexuality is not natural, not even in nature, and,
3. "I can't even take my children to the zoo anymore without having their precious little noses rubbed in this ornithological sodomite garbage! What about the children?!"

Oh, but let's continue:

Of course, with committed same-sex pairs – which happen more often in captivity because of the small flocks at zoos – the mating doesn't result in what mating is meant to. That's why couples might go to extremes to get babies to raise.

A female might have an affair with a male outside her pairing, then bring up the baby with her girlfriend. Males might steal a heterosexual couple's egg, then raise it as their own.

If you're wondering how they can get away with stealing someone else's chick, realize that the male-male pairs are dominant in the flock, according to the Dallas Zoo's research. Male-female pairs are second in the pecking order, followed by female-female pairs, then single males and, lastly, single females.

That is just awesome. The male-male pairs are dominant in the flock! Just as it should be!

Personally, I'm glad this story came out today. Because, you know, gay penguins just aren't gay enough, and besides, Roy and Silo broke up. Flamingoes are a much better symbol anyway: they're the Liberaces of the bird kingdom.